Sunday, June 15, 2008

A god within demands freedom

Last night I realized that I hadn't seen myself for several days. I had somehow put myself aside in favor of "reality". So, after everyone had gone to bed, I took out my guitar and played almost every song I know. I also spent some time learning a new song, "Overkill" by Colin Hay This song was important to me even when I was 12 years old. I noticed the "grown-up" feel of the lyrics in contrast to his band's earlier music.

It was truly therapeutic, as is often the case, to play and sing for a couple of hours. I begin to reach something within, hidden deeper than the conscious self can touch at will. In that other world, the land of the true self, there is a quiet clarity that leads to real discovery. I step through the mirror and into my conscience. I sit, wondering at the simplicity. New thoughts come to light and an honest comprehension of who I am occupies the once dim heaviness of my conscious mind.

I enjoy that place so much, and yet, spend so little time there. I make excuses for my delinquency in returning to such a beautiful state. Make no mistake, the real reason for avoiding the 'fortress of solitude' is the return journey. It's painful to spend even a short time in the arms of true love only to leave bliss behind for this world. The "real" world has a way of overwhelming one's sense of self into submission. I hide from the true self to keep from admitting to my fatigue and sorrow, to avoid really tasting the poison of apathy and placation of this world's demands, which I drink fully.

Last weekend offered a unique opportunity to enter the world of the true self. I did so, and spent considerable time there, contented by discovery. I had planned to express those musings here. As the week began I allowed myself to be swept away by the demands of this shadowed realm and lost my sense of identity somewhere in the minutiae.

Here I sit poised to embark upon another week's journey across the desert of human experience, gleaning as I go, any sustenance for the true self. I hope to fair better than I have thus far and erase the mistake of surrender. I want to stand in the open doorway of the furnace before me and not wince, not fade, not strain at the light and the heat. I'll force my eyes open and defy the devil's breath. I will not give way as I labor the weight of Adam's curse. I AM A MAN! I am a HERO for the true self! I will fight and win! A god is within me that demands to be fed, to be empowered, and to be liberated. I SET ME FREE!

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